Chapter 54 : Madwoman Linda

I opened my eyes.

In front of me was Linda.

Or rather—Linda, wobbling like a body of transparent liquid.

I asked her, “Crazy bitch?”

Her brows furrowed.

“Don’t call me that.”

“A crazy bitch should be called a crazy bitch. What else, then?”

She smiled.

“Do you know what happened to the ones who called me that?”

“How would I know?”

“They all died. So watch your mouth. Unless you want to die too.”

I nodded.

“Got it, crazy bitch.”

“……”

“What are you staring at, crazy bitch?”

She peeled off a piece of her body and hurled it at me.

Splat!

I leapt back just in time.

Sszzzt!

The ground where I’d stood melted into mush.

“Ooh.”

Linda clenched her fist.

Between her fingers, needle-like claws jutted out like a beast’s talons.

“Damn, that’s brutal.”

She swung her arm.

Whizz!

Transparent needles shot out.

I dodged and countered with a kick aimed at her chin.

Splat!

Her liquid chin flew off.

So did my foot.

Sszzzt!

“Son of a—!”

Agony ripped through me as flesh melted and bone showed.

The chinless Linda shrieked grotesquely and lunged.

“It hurts, you crazy bitch!”

Since my foot was already melting, I went all in—kicking her all over, scattering her body apart.

“Yes!”

I realized instinctively.

If I destroyed all her body, I’d win.

If I melted first, I’d lose.

So before my foot vanished entirely, I kicked her again and again, then hopped on one leg and slammed my fists into what was left of her.

“Yaaah!”

Thud-thud-thud! Sszzzt!

My hands dissolved, pain flaring white-hot—but I didn’t stop.

No turning back now.

When I lost both hands, I hopped on one leg, ramming her with headbutts.

“Heeheehee!”

For some reason, laughter bubbled up.

Was I going mad too?

Without madness, I couldn’t endure.

Soon, only a fragment of her head remained, glaring at me as it floated.

I leapt high and drop-kicked her with my single foot.

“Take this!”

Splat!

Linda vanished.

“I won!” I shouted—just as the hallucination shattered.

“……”

A cool breeze brushed my hair.

I opened my eyes, dazed.

Transparent poison dripped from my fingertips.

At last, clarity returned.

I sat in silence for a while, staring blankly at the sky. Then I turned.

Across the table lay the real Linda, face-down, completely motionless.

The masked attendants lining both sides of the table stared at me in shock.

The one who had poured my tea finally spoke.

“Are you… all right?”

I nodded.

“I killed liquid-slime Linda and lived.”

“…Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

I straightened up and looked at Linda, still slumped with her head on the table.

“Is she dead?”

“For now, it seems so.”

“For now?”

If she was dead, she was dead. What did for now mean?

The attendant explained.

“She has no pulse.”

“Then she’s dead.”

“But she has revived before in this same state, so we cannot say for certain.”

“She has?”

“It has happened.”

“…Unbelievable.”

I let out a hollow laugh.

Then I studied the masked men.

“So why don’t you kill her?”

“…Pardon?”

“You’re being dragged around by her, aren’t you? This is your chance. Finish her off. Why sit idle?”

The tea-pouring attendant answered quietly.

“We’ve all consumed Linda’s poison.”

I looked into his eyes again.

He seemed perfectly fine.

“You look fine enough.”

He nodded.

“For now. But after a week, it won’t be the same.”

“I see.”

So it was a slow, creeping venom.

Poison that lay dormant.

“Only the antidote Linda makes can halt its progress. Without it… we die.”

I nodded.

“Understood.”

“Thus… if you attack her, we must protect her, no matter what.”

Clink.

The man removed his mask, revealing his face.

“So please… understand our position…”

His mouth smiled, but his eyes wept.

No—his lips smiled sorrowfully too.

‘Please save us.’

His eyes begged again.

“……”

I stared at him for a moment—then shifted my gaze to Linda.

Because her fingers twitched.

“Heeheehee…”

A chilling laugh.

She suddenly bolted upright.

The man hastily replaced his mask.

“Heeheeheehee!”

She giggled at nothing, eyes glassy. Then she spotted me.

Her pale face flushed with color.

“Devil! You really survived!”

I nodded.

“Poison like that won’t kill me.”

“Heehee! How was it? How was it?”

I smirked faintly.

“Exhilarating.”

“Right? Right? The feeling of death crashing down on you. The wave of death washing over you. Like licking raw death itself. Isn’t it sweet? Isn’t it wonderful?”

She clutched her throat, moaning in ecstasy.

Her ravings earned no answer from me.

After a moment, she lowered her gaze, her eyes sparkling.

“Devil! You’re the first one who ever finished a tea party with me! I finally found a friend! We’re friends now, right? We are? Yes?”

She bounced in place, breathless with excitement.

But I shook my head coldly.

“No.”

“What? Why?!”

Her face collapsed, stricken as if the sky had fallen.

“Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY?”

She demanded like a child throwing a tantrum.

I explained kindly, as though humoring a brat.

“Friendship has to be mutual. I passed your test, so now you have to pass mine. That’s only fair.”

“Oh. You’re right.”

She accepted it easily.

From hopping in place, she sat primly back in her chair.

With all the eagerness in the world, Linda said, “So what’s the test? I’ll take it right now!”

“Before that. Those masked men—you poisoned them, right? Do you have an antidote? Not the kind that slows the poison, but one that removes it completely.”

Linda nodded.

“Mm-hm! Want me to give it to you?”

“Give it.”

“Okay!”

She rummaged through her clothes.

“Since I finally found a friend, I don’t need it anymore!”

One by one, she laid out several vials until finally she pulled out a small glass bottle.

“Ah, found it!”

She tossed it to me.

Clack.

While I examined the antidote, she explained, “Dilute it in warm water, one drop at a time. It’s really strong!”

I threw the vial back to the masked man.

“Take it.”

He caught it, bewildered.

“You heard her?”

“…Yes.”

“Then get lost. Don’t say a word. Open your mouth, and I’ll kill you.”

“……”

The masked men looked at me silently, bowed faintly, and slipped away.

Linda didn’t spare them a glance. Her eyes sparkled only at me.

“So, what’s the test?”

“My test is simple.”

I gripped the edge of the long table.

“Don’t die.”

I flipped it.

Crash!

Teaware shattered as it all spilled to the floor.

I charged forward the moment I hurled the table skyward.

As the table rose, it created a path for me.

By the time I reached Linda, the table stood upright, cutting between us like a wall.

I grabbed my sword’s hilt.

With the draw, I slashed upward.

Shrrraaak!

The table split cleanly, revealing the scene beyond.

Linda wasn’t there.

Only after the blade’s red aura cleaved the wood did her face peek out through the gap.

“Not dying? You mean I just have to dodge?”

Behind her, the bisected table crashed down.

Teacups shattered in a chorus of clinks and crashes.

Standing amidst the chaos, I replied evenly, “A fight. Dodge while you attack me. Come at me like you mean to kill.”

“What? But I don’t want to kill the friend I just found!”

I raised my crimson sword.

“Then you’ll die. Think carefully.”

“Ugh…”

She hesitated, then offered, “Then let’s do this! I won’t use knives. I’d hate seeing my friend missing an arm or leg.”

“Suit yourself.”

“But fighting to kill without blades—that’s okay, right?”

“Don’t worry about me. Then I’ll fight without my sword too.”

I sheathed my blade—then spun, striking with my fist.

Starlight flickered at my knuckles, and my arm unfurled like a night sky.

My body itself became a blade.

“Ooh, so that’s dark magic!”

Linda giggled as she leapt back, tossing needles midair.

“Take this!”

I hid in the scattering starlight, slipping past the needles and batting the rest aside with my fists.

The moment she landed, I dashed in.

Just as my starlight fist neared her face, her cheeks puffed—and she spewed something.

“…!”

It splattered over me.

Poison.

Sszzzt!

It burned my clothes, hissing with stench.

But it didn’t penetrate my skin.

That little stunt—the poison training—had worked.

“Heh.”

I laughed in satisfaction.

“The invincible Ashuban is here! Hahaha!”

I charged gleefully.

“So your name’s Ashuban? Cool name!”

She darted away, spraying venom clouds, flinging poisoned needles.

But she was too slow. Slower than Shushruta, and her toxins no longer threatened me.

Unless she invented something new, she couldn’t kill me.

It stung a little, but nothing more.

Still, I couldn’t relax.

Even harmless poison, taken too long, might overwhelm. I had to end it quickly.

I slashed with starlight arcs to blind her, mixing in spells to keep her off balance, driving her step by step toward the cliff.

And when the moment came—

I thrust out my palm, hurling starlight-charged force.

Wham!

“Ahh!”

The blast struck her shoulder, sending her tumbling back—straight to the cliff’s edge.

She almost disappeared, but caught the rim at the last second.

Dangling, she kicked and struggled, but the gale tossed her like a leaf.

A perilous sight.

I stepped toward her, smiling as our eyes met.

My hair whipped in the same wind that shook her body.

Her face crumpled.

“Why…?”

I looked down into her eyes.

“Linda. What did I say earlier?”

“What? I don’t know! I don’t remember! I don’t want to die! I just found a friend to enjoy tea parties with! Devil! I’ll make you more tea, really tasty ones! Pull me up! Please! The wind’s too strong, I can’t hold—”

I extended a hand down.

Her face brightened as she reached for it.

Smack!

I slapped her cheek.

Her eyes went wide with shock.

“Clear now?”

She stammered, dazed,

“Y-yeah…”

I spoke calmly.

“My test was not dying.”

“Right. You said that.”

“This too is part of the test.”

“Huh?”

“If you fall from this cliff and survive, I’ll accept you as my friend.”

Her eyes went round.

“Really?”

“Of course. Have I ever lied to you?”

“I don’t think so!”

Her gaze shone with pure madness.

I smiled faintly.

“Then good luck.”

“Mm!”

She laughed joyfully—then let go.

Her body plummeted out of sight.

“Devil! I’ll come find you agaaaaaain!”

(End of Chapter)

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