Chapter 39

Chapter 39

I opened my eyes and stared at the woman in front of me, my face frozen like stone. The word ‘Cecil’ felt like it was about to slip out of my mouth, but I swallowed it down.

“……”

She was still looking at me.

A complicated expression, full of many emotions.

But seeing her body tremble ever so slightly, I could tell—though she didn’t show it outwardly—she was extremely nervous.

Only now did I realize.

Why the consciousness buried within Ran Winterbell had awakened.

Why a maid with no connection to me had cared for me so devotedly.

Why her eyes and arm had disappeared.

“You……”

“It’s been a while. Van.”

She, who had been hesitating, gave a complicated smile. Joy, delight, sorrow, worry, longing, affection—an array of emotions that couldn’t be fully described in words were mixed together.

“Ryeong…? Is it really you… Ryeong?”

“……”

She gave a slow, difficult nod. I approached her carefully and held her in a gentle embrace. Warmth spread through my hand. Naturally, my gaze drifted toward her empty arm.

Just as I had expected, Cecil really had been the assassin who had infiltrated to kill me. Everything I had seen in the memory stone—her memories—had been true.

But…

She hadn’t stayed by my side to carry out her mission.

She hadn’t been watching for the right moment to kill me. She had stayed to protect me.

The memory stone hadn’t been able to show what she was thinking or what she was feeling.

But this time was different.

Perhaps because it had been a divine relic. Her thoughts and emotions had been conveyed as vividly as if I were feeling them myself.

The despair she had felt when she first discovered the lifeless body of Ran Winterbell. The resentment she had spat toward the gods. The desperation in her voice as she pleaded for me to live again.

And the excitement she had felt when she first encountered Ran Winterbell. The affection that had gradually grown from that point on.

All of it surged over me like a wave.

At the same time, I felt relief.

What a ridiculous thing. To feel this way in such a moment. And yet, I couldn’t help it.

Because I was happy.

Happy that I had been wrong.

Happy that there was still someone left in this world I could trust.

Ever since I’d died betrayed by someone like family, I hadn’t been able to trust anyone. Even the new body I had gained had been crippled by the hand of a true ‘family’ member.

So how could I possibly trust a creature like a human? My distrust of people had only deepened.

And yet, part of me still wanted to trust someone. I hated people, I couldn’t trust them—but still, I wanted to believe.

I knew.

I knew how painfully contradictory that was.

But what could I do?

This was how I felt… Even after becoming like this, I was still the kind of person who wanted to build bonds, feel a sense of belonging, trust, and rely on someone.

But I had believed that in this life, such things would never be possible. That’s why I had been living with a hollow emptiness inside me.

When everything I had planned, every goal I was striving for, and everything I wanted to achieve finally came to an end—there would be no one left beside me.

Even if someone were there, I wouldn’t be able to truly consider them a ‘companion’...

That was the true curse Bestia and Saladin had carved into my soul.

A curse of relentless distrust in humanity.

A curse to be alone forever.

But today, that curse was broken. A woman who had given even her body to protect me, to save me, now stood before me.

And she had once been my comrade, who had fought with me through deadly battlefields in our past life, guarding each other’s backs.

“Your eye… your arm… you lost it all because of me, didn’t you.”

My throat tightened, and I could barely speak. How could I have not known? Someone had been supporting me this closely all along.

“You must’ve been shocked, huh? I didn’t want us to reunite like this… but I was too late. Haha.”

Her awkward smile shimmered with moisture in her eyes. Then tears rolled down her cheeks and fell to the ground.

“…I’m sorry. If I had been a little more careful, you wouldn’t have suffered like this. It’s all because of me, Van.”

“……”

“If only I’d paid more attention back then, no one would have died. I never imagined they’d mix magic into a colorless, odorless poison…”

Why… even in this moment, are you blaming yourself?

You weren’t the one at fault. It was them. The ones who stabbed their own comrade in the back were those bastards. We were just victims.

So why are you the one apologizing?

You're the one who turned back time just to save me. The one who gave up an arm and an eye.

You're the one who risked your life and erased the Count’s family—the one who raised you to become an assassin—all on your own.

So why…

“…Why are you the one apologizing?”

“Hm?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, you’re someone who deserves an apology. I didn’t even remember who I was… and yet you gave up your eye, your arm, everything, just to save someone like me. So why are you the one apologizing, Ryeong…”

Cecil, who had kept a calm, expressionless face until now, smiled brightly. In my memory, Ryeong’s face and Cecil’s face overlapped.

“I love you.”

Caught off guard by the sudden confession, I just stared at her dumbly, my lips opening and closing like a fool. She paid no mind to my stunned state and continued speaking.

“From the first moment I saw you until now—not a single day has passed when I didn’t love you. Oh, of course, I mean including this life too, but more accurately, I’m talking about my past life. When I was ‘Ryeong,’ not ‘Cecil.’”

In other words, she had fallen for me back when she first joined the Hero’s party…

“Yeah. When Van first spoke to me. Just casually smiling and greeting me like it was nothing—that look on your face was so… charming. That’s how it all began. You know how it is, right? Once you fall head over heels, everything about that person seems cute, beautiful, lovable.”

The Ryeong I remembered had a similar image to the Cecil standing in front of me now.

She had always been a calm, rational, sharp-minded companion, outstanding in quick thinking and capable of finding the most logical solution no matter the situation.

That was exactly why I had trusted her the most.

When she had first joined the party, she had barely spoken at all—practically silent. But as time passed, she began to bicker with Ikabi from time to time, showing a more human side of herself.

Now that I thought about it, I probably talked with her more than with any of the other companions… though, most of those conversations had been about combat, intelligence gathering, or exploration.

‘I don’t think there was anything that made me feel like she liked me…’

“The way you always give your best, no matter what. The way you recognize your own shortcomings and keep working to overcome them. The way you polish your strengths while compensating for your weaknesses. The way you do everything you can within your abilities. The way you’re kind to the weak. The way you treat your comrades like family. And—”

“……”

“The way you steadfastly looked at only one person.”

She must have known as well.

That I had been in love with Bestia.

She had simply never tried to take anything for herself.

…No. Yeah, let’s admit it. To be honest, I had been too scared to even think about confessing. I was afraid of ruining the relationship we had, so I kept rationalizing it to myself.

She loved Saladin, not me. So I gave up. I told myself that wishing for the happiness of the person I loved was the best way to make everyone happy.

I consoled myself, saying that just being able to watch from the sidelines, just seeing her smile happily, was enough. I threw away the feeling called love so I wouldn’t get hurt any further.

But someone had been watching all that. And that someone—loved me.

…From a previous life, all the way to this one.

My heart started to pound uncontrollably at the thought of such overwhelming, undeserved love.

Unlike me, who came up with every excuse and gave up without ever expressing my feelings, she had stayed by my side all this time.

What could I possibly say to repay that kind of devotion?

She smiled as she continued speaking.

“I wasn’t expecting an answer.”

That single sentence saved me.

---

“So you’re saying the potion had poison in it? And not just any poison—one laced with a curse of ninth rank or higher…?”

“Yeah. Ivaki and Nia noticed something was wrong and desperately tried to detoxify it, but in the end…”

They couldn't stop Saladin. Among us, the strongest by far had always been Saladin.

It wasn’t just his individual combat strength—he was also Deus. If he truly set his mind to activating Makina, then there was nothing the wounded companions could have done to stop him.

Ryeong herself hadn’t even realized she had died, which made one thing clear—our deaths had been planned from the very beginning.

That place had been our grave from the start.

The Hero, Saladin.

A demigod, and a human chosen by the gods.

“...Those bug-like bastards.”

“You okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, regardless of everything... Bestia...”

She couldn’t finish her sentence. Having watched me closely, she knew just how deeply I had loved Bestia—so she chose her words with even more caution.

The shock of being betrayed by someone I had loved and trusted so deeply still remained vivid, even a hundred years later.

“Of course I’m not okay.”

“I figured…”

“Even now, whenever I see that fake Bestia’s face, the urge to kill her boils up inside me. When I go to sleep, the memories of that day are as fresh as if it happened yesterday.”

“……”

“Every night before I fall asleep, I wrestle with the same thoughts. How can I let go of this rage? What would I say to them if we met again? And—”

“……”

“How can I make them suffer the most?”

“……”

“Isn’t it obvious? If they did wrong, they should pay for it. We’ve been wronged too deeply for it to just end like this. What did we ever do to deserve what happened to us?”

Every night, I fall asleep picturing the moment their bodies are torn to pieces.

I slice them, and slice them, and slice them again. When their flesh becomes nothing but chunks of meat, they look at me and say, “I’m sorry.”

Words spoken just to survive, without even knowing what they’re apologizing for. And as I look at that, I grin bitterly—and begin to cut again.

Ryeong had probably been worried about this. Worried that maybe I would end up forgiving Bestia.

That, because she was someone I had loved, I might try to understand her somehow.

But unfortunately for her, I wasn’t that soft.

Yes, I had loved her... but no matter the reason, it was a love I had already given up on.

I didn’t have the magnanimity to embrace someone who not only betrayed me and my comrades, but also turned us into the worst villains in the history of mankind—all in the name of so-called “love.”

And then, an old saying flashed through my mind.

A favor repaid twice over. Revenge, forever.

It was the only phrase I liked from the Winterbell family.